Christmas? Bah Humbug!

Not sure what to call this one.  Maybe just to say I’m really not feeling the Christmas spirit at all this year.  I’ve been wondering why, and part of it is that it’s up to me to work on getting Christmas traditions going.  Kent & I have never really had a big Christmas production.  The first few years we decorated and gave each other presents, and my sister’s kids were little, so we got them gifts.  But one by one, we have just eliminated people we have to buy for until it would have been just us.  And then we started waiting until the after-Christmas saks, and lately, we just get something we really want whenever we see it, and that’s the birthday or Christmas present that year. 

We saved a lot of money we don’t have, and it made the holiday season way less stressful.  But now I find myself kind of sad around Christmas time.  Everyone else is traveling to see family, and having parties, and shopping.  I am just not a part of any of those things, and I kind of miss them. 

I think I am also a little disappointed in the whole “reason for the season” slogan.  After all, there’s lots of evidence that Jesus wasn’t really born in December, and how does Santa and Christmas trees celebrate that anyway?  But the biggest problem I can see is that the birth of Jesus isn’t really the most important event.  I mean how about his ministry?  The cross?  The idea of the incarnation is a momentous thing, I guess, but I don’t know if it’s important to celebrate the birthdate.  Maybe I’m just feeling a bit of the old bah-humbug. 

Maybe it’s time for me to really think about why the birth of Jesus matters to me.  It is amazing that God would take on our likeness, but to be honest, I am not sure that really happened.  I know that would shock a lot of people, but it doesn’t seem to me like the whole gospel doesn’t really hang on weather Jesus was born in Bethlehem.  I think what matters is the love he showed for us and the way we are supposed to love each other.  Jesus said that if we have seen him, we have seen the father.  And when I look at Jesus, I see love and compassion for people.  That’s what I want to hold on to at Christmas time.  I am not interested in spending tons of money I don’t have on people who already have what they need.  Maybe I need to think of some way to share that love at this time of the year.

Victim Blaming

I will admit that I am trying to get people interested in my blog by sometimes writing about controversial things.  But I think if we don’t talk about these problems, they will never get better.

So, this topic is in the news lately.  Between the unarmed black men (and children) being shot by police, and the rape victims being slut-shamed, it seems our media is obsessed with explaining away these things without admitting that our system isn’t working and that the powers that be are corrupt.

We can never move forward in reconciling victims and perpetrators until we can talk about the things that happened truthfully.  One of the justice concerns I have regarding the incarceration of so many people is that it doesn’t really help victims or the people responsible for the hurt.  It may help society in the sense that people who commit crimes are not free to keep committing them while they are imprisoned.  But we know that many people become much harder criminals during their time in prison.  When they are released, they are more likely to commit more violent crimes than if they were treated for problems. (see: http://www.prisonfellowship.ca/resources/issues-statistics/)

Quite often, victims and their families want things like to know what really happened, or to make the person understand their hurt.  Of course there are people who just want them executed, but not everyone feels closure over that. 

And when we imprison children, with no access to a “normal” life, they grow up to be exactly the thugs we expect them to be.  It’s one thing to try and rehabilitate a 40 year old person who has assaulted many people over their adult life.  It’s another thing to give up on a kid who’s 14 and never had adults teach him about how to interact in the world.  No chance to get a decent education.  Lost his brothers or sisters to violence.  Police don’t protect people like that.  The justice system doesn’t do a good job of protecting them either. 

To me, the hard part would be figuring out how to protect victims and potential victims while still treating people who have committed crimes as human and redeemable.  As a Christian, or a person who believes in God/gods/cosmic love, etc. it is difficult to justify writing people off when God seems to be making the point over and over again in the Bible that he doesn’t give up on us.  He wants people to be redeemed and become the full person they are created to be.  Some people are so damaged they are dangerous, that’s true.  But a lot of criminals are just a product of the system we abide. 

Why do we accept this system?  This is a bigger topic than I can do in one blog post, but I’m not just talking about the justice system; I’m talking about the inequality between rich and poor that leaves too many people lost in hopelessness where they can’t eat, can’t learn, can’t support themselves with work.  Why aren’t we trying to solve those problems?  Do we really believe that some people deserve that childhood because their parents are messed up? 

What do you think?

Making Peace

I have been struggling to understand what God expects of us regarding “being peacemakers” for a few years now.  I know that Jesus says a lot about peacemaking (Matt 5:42-44, Luke 6:26-28, 35-36, etc.).  In fact, the whole bible is full of commands and encouragements and examples of how to make peace.  But those stories either seem way too hard to do, or not meaningful to me. 

Lately I have been listening to others who find themselves on this path towards living at peace in the world.  Buddhists seem to have a lot of wisdom about this topic.  I have a friend who often shares the wisdom she draws from her religion. 

The struggle I have is not so much to respond in anger when people hurt me or treat me poorly; I struggle more with my attitude and with trying not to cause problems or pain for others.  The person I interact with most is my husband, and there are some examples I can draw on that I think we can all relate to.  For example, sometimes he wants to do watch a movie together or go out some place that we would both enjoy.  He is motivated by his love for me and his interest in the movie or speaker.  However, sometimes I want to do something else.  Not something bad, but something that only benefits me (play a video game, watch a movie he wouldn’t enjoy); and I try to get my way.  At that moment I am not thinking about peace; I am only thinking about doing what I want.

The question I have is: when is it OK to pursue my own desires and when should I be willing to give?  I mean, Jesus and the Bible make it sound like we should always be making peace with people.  So does that mean I can state my preference, but I should give in if it seems like someone would be hurt?  Or does it only mean not returning violence with violence?  But how do you define violence? 

Or is God only talking about systemic violence?  I know that shooting unarmed people, regardless of race, is wrong.  In the old days, I’m pretty sure the police would try to arrest someone instead of shoot them.  Maybe I’m wrong, but that’s what I think.  And the capitalist system we currently have, with so few protections for workers and consumers is certainly hurting and even killing people.  Millions of children and elderly people are hungry, that seems like a form of violence when so many other people have enough food to throw a lot of it away. 

What do you think is expected of us?

Kindness – what does it mean?

So, one of the goals of this blog and of my life is to spread some kindness around the world.  It’s a pretty simple idea.  I know how I would like to be treated, and kindness for me means something like the golden rule.  Not necessarily huge sacrifice, but just being nice to people I meet.  Sometimes I can get too philosophical about topics that don’t require it, so let me know if you think I am getting too bogged down with the details.

There are some actions that seem like they would always be considered kind.  For example, letting someone merge in front of you in traffic, cleaning up after yourself at a restaurant or friend’s house are pretty much always considered to be a kindness.

Other actions seem tougher.  Is it more kind to comfort your friend, or confront her about her choice of abusive boyfriend?  If you asked her, she might say she would prefer you help her figure out how to make her relationship with this boyfriend more successful.  Sometimes I think I don’t so much listen to what someone else needs from me, but rather impose my own ideas on them in ways that can seem disrespectful or demeaning.

Maybe it will help to think about why I want to be more kind.  One main reason is that I feel it fits in with my goal of spreading the kind of love that Christ has for people with the rest of the world.  Part of it is because I feel it’s a good start toward making peace with people.  I don’t try to be kind to someone so I can hammer home how great Jesus is, but because I want them to feel like they matter.  That does sound kind of lofty.  That’s why I want people to treat me kindly though.  I want to believe that I matter and that I have worth. 

Also, I think a habit of being kind will hopefully reduce my temptation to be hurtful and selfish.  I hope that I will be less likely to laugh at someone when they mess up.  I hope that I will be more likely to offer support that is genuine.  I hope I will learn to love people that annoy me.  I’ll keep you posted.

What are the police doing?

I am writing this after the non-indictment of Daniel Pantaleo for killing Eric Garner.  Since we have the video in this case, it just goes to show how hard it is to get an indictment against a police officer.   There’s no disputing the facts.  Mr. Garner probably was selling tobacco illegally.  He may have argued with the officers arresting him for selling this tobacco.  He was choked to death by the officer.  The person recording the interaction was charged for filming what happened, but the officer who choked Mr. Garner is not going to be charged?

White people need to understand, the protests are not so much about an individual case as much as the fact that every week or so, there’s another case of an unarmed person being killed by police over something non-life-threatening.  And that person being killed is overwhelmingly likely to be black or brown.  It’s not just that it happens, but that it keeps happening.  I don’t really know how to solve this problem, but it seems to me that it should start with providing each child with the same opportunity to get the best education they can, no matter who their parents are.  Helping each child to have nutritious food to eat, no matter where they live.  To stop incarcerating people for minor drug crimes where no violence was done, so that they can get a job and participate in our civil governance.

I don’t know how we expect people to be contributing members of society when we keep them in schools with so few resources to teach them the skills they will need in this new global economy.  What do we expect when older brothers are fathers are locked up in prisons set up for private profit.  How often do they see the system working to make their lives any better?  What are they supposed to do if the school they attend doesn’t have the textbooks or the teachers to prepare them for life?  You have to have bootstraps before you can pull yourself up by them!

Honesty – is it always the best policy?

I got this idea from a journal writing prompts website, and it seems like a good place to start. On the surface, it’s an easy question, right?  You’re not supposed to lie.  Certainly there are situations where we would probably all agree that it’s better to tell the truth, even if it’s difficult, rather than hide something important from someone. 

On the other hand, we lie all the time, and most people see it as harmless or even a good thing.  You know, the standard answer to the age-old question: “Does this make me look fat?” which should always be “No, darling!”

Maybe we should start with a definition of honesty.  I think it’s more than just not lying.  You can be dishonest through not saying anything when you know something.  You can also be dishonest more in the sense of not being trustworthy.  Like stealing or coercing someone.  I’m going to leave these last 2 ideas for another post; for our purposes today let’s just look at lying or not speaking up when something needs to be said.

There are a lot of gray areas though.  Sometimes what one person considers to be a harmless white lie, is a major deception to the other person.  There are many ways I could go with this one. 

There are a lot of times we stay silent for social reasons.  We don’t stand up and say that we think our friend or co-worker is wrong.  I run into this a lot when people are talking about political issues.  I have opinions that are fairly left of center, and a lot of my friends are more right of center.  When people say things that I feel are wrong or hurtful, I always face the choice of standing up for my truth, or playing nice to get along.  And it matters, because the policies promoted by the right have consequences that harm a lot of people who can’t really protect themselves. 

If everyone was honest all the time, our society would be a lot more contentious, that’s for sure.  But what are the consequences when people aren’t honest?  For one thing, a lot of money can be made by hiding things from consumers and regulators.  People are often sent to jail based on false testimony or false confessions extracted by police who are allowed to lie to suspects (which can be anyone, you just have to be in the wrong place at the wrong time).  When politicians lie about their priorities or the effects of policies they are implementing, all of us can suffer.

So, is honesty the best policy?  I guess it’s complicated.  Maybe we should evaluate it based on the consequences of both telling the truth and lying.  So if I tell you you don’t look fat in that dress, the outcome might be that you wear a dress that doesn’t look good on you, or you might even decide you don’t need to lose weight, which could be a positive or negative outcome.  But if I tell you that my chemical company is not using a certain chemical or process but we are, then the outcome would potentially be much more serious. 

You don’t have to tell your best friend that her eggplant lasagna is gross, but in most cases, I think it’s better to err on the side of being honest most of the time.