Honesty – is it always the best policy?

I got this idea from a journal writing prompts website, and it seems like a good place to start. On the surface, it’s an easy question, right?  You’re not supposed to lie.  Certainly there are situations where we would probably all agree that it’s better to tell the truth, even if it’s difficult, rather than hide something important from someone. 

On the other hand, we lie all the time, and most people see it as harmless or even a good thing.  You know, the standard answer to the age-old question: “Does this make me look fat?” which should always be “No, darling!”

Maybe we should start with a definition of honesty.  I think it’s more than just not lying.  You can be dishonest through not saying anything when you know something.  You can also be dishonest more in the sense of not being trustworthy.  Like stealing or coercing someone.  I’m going to leave these last 2 ideas for another post; for our purposes today let’s just look at lying or not speaking up when something needs to be said.

There are a lot of gray areas though.  Sometimes what one person considers to be a harmless white lie, is a major deception to the other person.  There are many ways I could go with this one. 

There are a lot of times we stay silent for social reasons.  We don’t stand up and say that we think our friend or co-worker is wrong.  I run into this a lot when people are talking about political issues.  I have opinions that are fairly left of center, and a lot of my friends are more right of center.  When people say things that I feel are wrong or hurtful, I always face the choice of standing up for my truth, or playing nice to get along.  And it matters, because the policies promoted by the right have consequences that harm a lot of people who can’t really protect themselves. 

If everyone was honest all the time, our society would be a lot more contentious, that’s for sure.  But what are the consequences when people aren’t honest?  For one thing, a lot of money can be made by hiding things from consumers and regulators.  People are often sent to jail based on false testimony or false confessions extracted by police who are allowed to lie to suspects (which can be anyone, you just have to be in the wrong place at the wrong time).  When politicians lie about their priorities or the effects of policies they are implementing, all of us can suffer.

So, is honesty the best policy?  I guess it’s complicated.  Maybe we should evaluate it based on the consequences of both telling the truth and lying.  So if I tell you you don’t look fat in that dress, the outcome might be that you wear a dress that doesn’t look good on you, or you might even decide you don’t need to lose weight, which could be a positive or negative outcome.  But if I tell you that my chemical company is not using a certain chemical or process but we are, then the outcome would potentially be much more serious. 

You don’t have to tell your best friend that her eggplant lasagna is gross, but in most cases, I think it’s better to err on the side of being honest most of the time.